I’ve been in a reflective mood lately. I am enjoying my happy place and trying to comfort those in pain and uncertainty. I realize that the key to making a change in your life is backed by the willingness to be vulnerable. It’s not just about being vulnerable with others, but being vulnerable with yourself. Think about that for a minute…
Vulnerability is the ability of being physically or emotionally wounded. I believe we all are destined to be vulnerable beyond our own will at the feet of the universes plans. If we choose to accept the vulnerability, we cannot change the outcome, but we can change how we live through that pain and how it shapes the rest of our lives. I’ve been forced to feel vulnerable at the mercy of the universe by it taking away people that I never thought I’d lose in this life and even more so at a young age. Those assaults to my vulnerability have created a giant of myself that I didn’t realize existed until it was literally shoved in my face. I struggled to find my place in the world after back to back tragedy, but have emerged stronger, more grateful and surrounded with a knowing of peace and certainty.
Through my vulnerability I have uncovered a deeper self-love than anything I’ve known. You have to lay the groundwork of self-love before a sturdy foundation can be built by a relationship, otherwise it may crumble. I feel to be vulnerable is an art form of sorts…being able to pull the deep roots/pain up toward the surface gives you the courage to stand in the light of humanity and say: here I am, this is who I am, this is what I’ve been through and walk in that strength knowing, without hesitation, that the potential for harm could be lingering because someone else doesn’t understand or can’t mirror your strength… But you will never know if you don’t give love another chance. It’s hard to find someone who loves like you do if your doors are always locked.
Vulnerability takes a deeper meaning for me as having been a widow. On one hand, I love harder because of being involved in the full life cycle of an amazing relationship…and on the other hand I am afraid to experience the pain of losing a partner again. Then you throw in the empath aspect and I envision the pain that my partner could feel should I depart first and that creates a messy, emotional Marcy LOL. I know people will say don’t worry about those thoughts, nothing is going to happen, but the honesty in me knows that all of these thought are valid. These emotions stem from my personal experience and spiritual essence. Those were moments, so I embrace them and I dance above those thoughts and remind myself of exactly how much life and love I have left to share with some other human being. Why should I put my fortitude on the back burner to spare the heart possible pain.
This past year has been a beautiful whirl wind of trust in self and trust in others. I exposed myself in honesty and purity holding the hand of vulnerability like best friends. I took a leap and trusted the knowing in my spirit and I now am loving to a once incomprehensable degree. I moved from NC to FL, got married and now am a bonus mom to an amazing 8 year old little lady! I will post more on how all of that came about in a later post. Had I not been willing to share my vulnerability, I would not be where I am today. This serves as encouragement to those that may be in a situation where your vulnerability is overwhelming and uncomfortable, that if you don’t embrace and share your vulnerability, you could miss out on some phenomenal moments.